2017…Joy?

When did life become a struggle? No one seems to ever prepared us for this “Adult” thing. I watched video’s on YouTube about these 20-year olds that wonder when they were supposed to learn basic life skills (Taxes, Voting, Cooking more then just Cup Of Noodle, etc)

For me, that was the easy stuff. Love was the real struggle for me. My mother was Asian, and not all Asians are emotionally stunted but it seems to be a tradition to internalize pain and discontent for something. “You don’t make yourself a problem for people, no one likes that”. I ignored that lifestyle. I discovered that I am beautiful disaster and tragedy arose in my life and I wont say I enjoyed it, but I appreciate it now. I messed up love, I messed it up in such a way that it can’t be undone. Some advice; as much as you try to fix things that you know you messed up. You must let it go. Leave it to the wind to take it away. Because as long as you yourself have learned from your mistake, like genuinely learned from it, the rest needs to be let go. How? It hurts! It’s going to hurts so much to not be able to fix something broken. Let it be. Just be you and all that you are, the mistakes, the laughter, and the sadness. Because when the lights go out and you lay your head on your pillow. You have to be able to sleep with yourself no one else can take away your pain when you caused it. Everything may seem broken and it may be so, at the time, but a constant truth is that time heals all. You’ll have the nights that you can’t sleep and you’ll want to call or email that person. Remember to let it be. Just stay strong to you. Because before you were a “we” you were a “you”. It takes perseverance to get back to that.

Another truth is that you’re sadness isn’t that your relationship ended….it sometimes is much deeper especially when you’re truly in love. The real source of sadness (in my opinion) is that you’re sad because the life you envisioned with this person no longer is a possibility and the sadness and fight to make it better is you trying to keep a hold onto that future. No one ever tells you that once something is changed it can’t go back to the way it once was. It will never be the same. So before you really choose to change something or ruin something. Remember, it may look the same but it will never truly be the same. Love exists between humans because eventually we die. That’s what beautiful about being human. Love is an infinite source that never dies. Its energy, we keep it, give it away, store it and when we die…we pass it on to our loved ones. You always want to be the one to give it away, never let it be taken away. When you are trying to make something work out and it needs to be left alone. You’re giving yourself and your love away, probably to someone who doesn’t really see you the same. It’s ok to not be seen the same anymore. Change is scary (as we know from this past year). But you’re growing. Let go of who you once were and accept that you’re changed and someone else will give you love. On the days I am scared, I write or listen to music that brings me up. Your world wont make sense for a while, but you’re going to make it through it. Nothing bad lasts forever. Just make it through this and you’ll be stronger and rise higher then you ever have. In my whimsical mind and nerdy fantasy brain I always believed that if you’re in darkness and its the protagonist of your story. Darkness would never have existed without the Light shining first. It created the shadows in your fantasy land (your mind). So, you were weakened and the Darkness took over your land of magic and love. One other truth is that if this was real in your mind. You have to remember that underneath all of that darkness you’re seeing and feeling, it is simply covering up the light. The light that was already there in the beginning, it never leaves us. Find your light again. Be strong enough to banish the Darkness back into the caves of sadness. Just shine.

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