I realized he’s numb….he absolutely cannot and will not feel anything about me. It protects him from pain and sadness. Whether I like it or not, it’s what he’s doing. The anger and sadness fuels the numbness he feels towards me, and in time, it may dissipate into tolerance or maybe back into love. I just know now that I can’t make it better. I only will make it worse at this point. I have grown up a lot in the past 10 months. My life has changed and my life has felt like it was ending. I realized that I am now loving someone like I’ve never loved someone before in my life (sorry ex’s).
But when you hurt someone, you don’t just hurt their feelings. You hurt the very fibers of their body and their heart feels like it will fall out of their body.
To stop this pain, you become numb to the person that caused this trauma. In this case, it would be me.
My love is everlasting…for you Z.
To whom it may concern…
“I love you so much. I can only offer my apology every day until it doesn’t hurt you anymore. I understand now that this is not something to ask of you and I accept that. I will give you space and give you time. I will give you what you need in order to feel again. I don’t know how long you will need and neither do you. I will patiently wait for you because you’re the only one I think is worth waiting for.
IF….you choose to never have me be a part of your life again. I will respect that and will always love you. I will love you for everything you’ve done for me. The way you changed my life, my own self-worth. You showed me sides of life I never dreamt I would see. Most importantly you showed the most incredible love anyone could experience. I only wish I could have been given the chance to show you that too.”